My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
