hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
