wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
