My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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