I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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