So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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