make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
