you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
