thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
