I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
