"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
