she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
bring money and cleavage
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
