Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
