Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
