ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
