Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
