those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
