me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
