I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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