You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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