This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love having hate sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
