i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
