I wanna bring you to show and tell
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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