Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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