that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
