he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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