Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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