he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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