I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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