I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
