my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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