I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
