somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
