so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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