Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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