how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
