Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
