I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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