I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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