Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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