did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
