U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
