Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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