Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
