I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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