GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
