Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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