Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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