True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
