Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
